Writing In My Journal

Some days, as I consider what to write in my journal… I imagine at some future date, our Saviour sitting across the table reading what I wrote… so today He would read…

The year 2016 is determined to remind me what an awful year it’s been, and despite all the challenges and trials we’ve endured, Christmas week-end has been no different.

An expensive trip to the vet, to have one of the year old puppies …Gandor’s neck stitched, because it was ripped by the neighbour’s dog as they jumped up and down at the boundary wall, wasn’t the first of our incidents.

Jess and I have been fighting a summer cold, or flu as we give it to each other backwards and forwards… and now Dave has it, so we are like three grouchy mopey bears who want to hibernate through our infirmity, however have too many chores and tasks to do.

Our ailing 19 year old cat Pebbles, who recovered from a stroke more than four weeks ago, was determined to have his time in the spotlight… as he first puked all over the upstairs patio… and then puked in our bedroom… and then peed all over the patio and finally in exhaustion, lay sprawled across the top of my chest of drawers, kicking our new TV straight off onto the floor… a gift from my mom two months ago… cracking the screen, ending our viewing pleasure in unhappy “Family Day” (Boxing Day) disaster.

And I managed to spray Jik over the front of my only new shirt. *Heavy Sigh*

I suppose it could be worse, if the shops had been closed on this public holiday, then Dave wouldn’t have been able to rush out and buy much needed loo paper and tissues. (Oh I almost forgot… the November electricity and water account arrived late and is a whopping R5876.00 and the December bill arrived just  a few days later with a grand total of R8509.73, due weeks before the next payday.) 

My imagination stretches, as a self-deprecating smile lifts my mood, as I realise that’s absolutely not what I want our Saviour to read in my journal… or anyone else for that matter… as I certainly don’t want my whiney moans and groans recorded for present and posterity. *Grin*

So what would I want to write… that I’d want to be read…… *Smile*

As I sit at my table with a clear view of our Christmas tree, I’m so grateful for so many reasons.

I’m grateful for Jess and the two missionaries… who so graciously spent the evening decorating our tree earlier in the week, while my energy lagged from my struggle to get chores done and fighting a mean summer cold.

I’m grateful that while Jess is struggling with her own summer cold… and withdrawal symptoms from weaning off her meds, that she is in full recovery even after a week without medication, for the first time in four years.

Huge GIGANTIC *Grin*

Last Christmas, Jess was afflicted with a very painful, burst eardrum after a short flight home from Gauteng, and although she went on antibiotics and pain meds to help with the infection… the results of her blood tests, were disheartening for us both. Jess had another major relapse… and the Graves Disease (Hyperthyroidsm) was in full force… and even worse, the very dangerous life threatening Firestorm in her body meant that Jess had to increase her medication for the fourth time… as this was the fourth (out of five) relapses that Jess has struggled with.

It was hard… and challenging… however, I’m grateful for an amazing specialist who has been incredibly supportive, and cared for Jess during this terrible time of Jesse’s illness, encouraging us through not going down the path of surgery and radiation treatment, which have irreversible side-affects.

Jess in full recovery…is a blessing we are still trying to believe, as the miracle of her healing becomes more evident each day.

I’m grateful for a wonderful Christmas lunch that Dave prepared… Pineapple glazed Ham, Roast Potatoes, Caramelised Carrots, and Cauliflower in White Cheese sauce, and that we were able to share it with special people I love.

I’m grateful for Jess… her courage… her strength… her meal preparation… her talent… and her incredible intelligence, as I learn the most amazing things from her all the time… and I’m grateful for her delicious homemade pizza… pizza rolls, the most incredible cupcakes… and awesome crème caramel.

I’m grateful that Dave is such a wonderful provider, that he works so hard… and that he really does an amazing job. I’m grateful for his optimism and I’m especially grateful for his courage and strength. I’m grateful that Dave has two weeks leave after such a challenging year, and that he’s asleep right now having a siesta, getting much needed rest as he struggles with the same Summer Cold, that Jess and I haven’t been able to completely kick. *LOL*

I’m grateful my Mom called on Christmas Day… and that we were able to chat, and catch-up and laugh out loud. I’m grateful for technology that can connect us to loved ones across the miles. *Smile*

I’m grateful for her love and support, and all that she’s given us this year, and through the years. (Not sure what I’m going to tell her about the new TV she gave us just a couple of months ago… and that it got broken when Pebbles kicked it off the chest of drawers… *Sigh* Hope we can get it fixed and then she’ll never need to know… 🙂 ).

I’m so grateful we’ve had some extra time with Pebbles our 19 year old cat. He suffered a stroke about a month ago, and we said a prayer and took a couple of days to love and care for him, as we decided it was probably time to let him go and have him put to sleep, as we really didn’t want him to struggle through pain. What an incredible blessing and miraculous recovery he made, and we have been able to enjoy lots of cuddles and love with him. Although he has been stalking me in our bedroom determined to curl up in my lap, or curl around my face while I sleep, making my cold even worse. *Smile*

Unfortunately, Pebbles has taken a turn for the worse… and he’s been very sick today, and obviously not well and in pain. Jess and I are again discussing the painful difficult decision of taking him to the vet, as we really don’t want him to suffer. Pebbles has had a good life… entertaining us with his antics and bipolar personality, of haughty disregard and obsessive affection. *Grin*

I’m grateful that friends were able to spend Christmas day with us… surrounding our lunch table with their happy conversation, and filling our home with lots of love and laughter.

Especially as our eldest son, Wes is away in Gauteng… dealing with issues… fighting, and I hope slaying his own demons and dragons, so that he can return a stronger, more courageous young man, determined to embrace the New Year.

There is no eloquence in the messiness of life… or the sorrow of heartache and heartbreak… just feelings of love and frustration… anger and betrayal… belief and faith… forgiveness… and regression, and the determination to try again… and again… and again… in the hope that the experience of life, love and truth… through learning ‘line upon line… precept upon precept’ …will eventually win the battle over darkness and allow the Light of Christ, through the miracle of forgiveness to shine through.

I’m grateful that Jordy, our younger son, came home to say “Hello” and wish us a Merry Christmas, even though he chose to spend the day with his best friend, who arrived from Vietnam with a broken leg, so that he could convalesce at his home.

I’m grateful for the gifts we were able to give this Christmas… some of them bought… some of them made… all given with love. I’m grateful for the gifts we’ve received… so many… too many to count.

I’m grateful for the greatest gift imaginable.

The gift of our Saviour.

The miracle of His birth.

The blessing of His life… and His teachings.

I’m grateful for the gift of His love.

The blessing of His sacrifice, and the miracle of His Atonement.

I’m grateful for Second Chances… lots of them, and New Beginnings.

I’m grateful for 2016… with all its challenges and trials… heartache and sorrow. I’m grateful for the incidents and accidents, and the lessons of safety and blessings of protection provided. I’m grateful for my family and friends… I know this year was endurable because of their love and support… in so many different ways, and that I’ve been able to learn so much more… because of each of them.

I’m even grateful for the catastrophes… and unexpected conflicts and struggles, they have allowed me to explore my attitudes… examine my beliefs… and search honestly for the truth.

I’m grateful that as I have ‘searched the scriptures diligently, prayed often, even as I have endeavoured to pray always… my aspiration to ‘be believing and all things shall work together for my good’ …has been realised even in the hardest and most challenging trials… in the most blessed (awe-inspiring, incredible, wonderful, amazing) miraculous ways!

I’m grateful that even though I’m not ageing very gracefully at 50, *Grin* (my knees creak and my teeth break and my eyes blur with or without tears)…
my aspirations for 2017 are to be kinder, gentler… more loving and patient… through reliance on our Saviour… to be more faithful, more trusting, more believing in our Saviour.

That I’ll see myself… and you… and others, as He sees us all.

Unlimited in potential

Loved beyond our human comprehension and even my imagination.

Divinely awesome, incredibly unique, infinitely cherished.

Lots of love and hugs,

My Gorgeous Smiling Jess 🙂

2 comments to “Writing In My Journal”
  1. Mandy you are such a inspiration to me and I pray that you have a wonderful 2017.
    Thank you for sharing your journal entry. Xxx

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