Introduction…. From my friend Charmaine, I received a personally designed “Woman of Worth” mug with a photo of Dave and me, with a message…
“In here are reasons why I believe you are a Woman of Worth.
Please take only one piece of paper every day to read for the next month. xxx”
[ Woman Of Worth Mug of Love ]
The Worst Week of My Life!
Saturday, 4th July 2015
I can honestly say, that Tuesday, 30th June 2015 could easily be the worst day of my life, the centre point of the worst week of my life. *Sigh*
There is nothing redeeming to say about it…
I’m an emotional person… and I’ve given up trying to hide it.
I’m worse at saying, “I’m fine!” when I’m not… and no longer bother with other platitudes.
If I’m asked how I am… then the person asking the question needs to be ready for my response, which can swing through a dichotomy of “Absolutely wonderful!!” to “Absolutely awful, I can’t believe this is happening!” with the same amount of enthusiasm… and even in the same day. *Grin*
My husband Dave, on the other hand, is optimistic and naturally happy… and seldom has to choose to be happy, like I do… he just is. *Smile*
He is solid as a rock, and my anchor… and the most balanced person I have ever known.
When my imagination is taking me on a roller coaster ride of wild imaginings of worst… and best case scenarios for sometimes even the silliest things, Dave is calmly listening to me with that look on his face that kind of says it all. Then he gently reassures me or firmly calms me… and predicts almost always how it will be in the short term… and definitely in the long term… “It will be OK!”
And he is always right… *Grin*
The common joke between us is that I’m always right. *LOL*
(Probably only because it has to be one of my best or worst case scenarios).
On Tuesday… we were raw with emotion… Dave was gutted to the core.
I was overwhelmed with emotion, and had nothing to say. The kaleidoscope of my confusing and conflicting emotions, to jambled to coherently articulate into words how or what I was feeling.
On Wednesday… after sobbing out my emotions in prayer, I went to visit a friend.
We chatted on the phone briefly, and since she knew I was emotionally upset, she asked if there was anything she could do… “Yes!” I responded… “Please can I visit!”
There weren’t any questions asked… or platitudes given, just a warm welcome and sharing conversation, as I basked in her loving affection and 82 years of wisdom.
She just let me be…. for hours as the early afternoon sunshine gave way to late afternoon shadows, and then faded into evening winter darkness.
Then we shared our heartaches and anguish… our heartbreak and sorrow, and in a profoundly, heart touching way, she shared the blessings of comfort and inspiring experiences that humbled me so deeply, I felt honoured beyond measure.
As I drove home with Jess, her words reverberated in my heart… as they still are today, feeling like I’ve been touched by the faith of an Angel.
Dave was asleep, having gone straight to bed when he arrived home, knowing we were safe, visiting a friend just down the road.
When I kissed him hello… we hugged each other like we never wanted to let go, which actually isn’t unusual for us, *Smile* the raw emotion, anguish and despair is though.
It was then that Dave started to share his heartfelt emotion… and the rawness he was feeling… I for once sat quietly listening, as Dave spoke softly, eloquently expressing his heartache.
Laughter, the Healing Balm!
We are both still trying to understand and accept all that has happened… and I unusually don’t feel the need to analyse and question, why, how, when, what… while I assimilate and accept just how it actually is… having faith that in time I’ll know the answers, if there are any to be found, while realising that the articles I’ve read, the research I’ve done, the people I know, the conversations I’ve had… have all been blessings to give me strength and courage, wisdom and understanding for this moment… that I didn’t even know I was gathering.
On Thursday when I was home alone, Dave and I had chatted a few times during the day… I got a fine for R600.00 …a long boring story, but I wasn’t speeding. *Smile* And although I was upset, we shared the responsibility and ended our conversation with laughter.
Dave asked me to cook something for supper… I seldom cook, however I willingly complied. At 4:00pm I realised that even though the chicken had been out on the kitchen counter since 1:00pm it wasn’t going to defrost, so it would need to go in the microwave.
How hard could it be?
Press the Defrost button… and again for number 2 – chicken (instead of meat or fish) and start!
Error. Error. Error… and the noise it makes… Grrrr!
So I phoned Dave and asked him how to do it. *LOL*
Simple enough when you know how. *Grin*
We chatted for a few minutes and chuckled together.
That evening we agreed it was one of the worst meals we have ever eaten… and I’m only half to blame as Dave cooked the chips. *Grin*
We laughed some more… and spent a quiet evening together chatting and laughing, completely focused on each other… keeping the world at bay, just basking in the relationship we share and the love we have for each other.
On Friday morning our laughter continued in a loving companionable way… (and not what you think, there has been no delayed reaction of hysteria, or hysterical laughter, which granted isn’t unusual for me, although much, much less so in recent years *Smile*), and all through the day when we chatted with each other on the phone, we laughed embracing our own happiness and love for each other.
The mounting challenges we have been faced with during the past few months, and even the seemingly insurmountable challenges we have now been dealt during the past week… are still there… and still have to be dealt with, and some of them …most of them are out of our control and not of our own making, yet still our responsibility. However, taking time to assimilate all that has happened, to just be in the moment… pray, cry and laugh… has been a healing balm to my heart and soul… and I know that Dave and I both feel more able to cope, and with faith and courage, in ourselves and our Saviour, we’ll be able to find the strength and solutions we need to pursue resolutions for the problems we can resolve, and surrender those that we can’t do anything about, allowing God’s will and guiding hand to heal in His Divine time.
For me, acceptance and allowance are a courageous step… as I always want to fix things before they are even broken, and I usually have a backup plan for my backup plans… and plan B is always better than plan A.
Now there is only Plan A!
It’s the very best person I can be in this moment… and it’s everything I have to give right now. Allowing myself to cry and feel that deep emotional sadness of heartache and heartbreak, without allowing it to shadow the blessings, miracles and love that fill my heart and my life, sharing laughter with those that love me, and whom I love.
Laughter that says I love you, I care about you, I am here with you.
Laughter that says I can’t fix this, I can’t make it right, but I will hold your hand as we share this experience together. Laughter that says the problems are still there, but we can take a moment to celebrate our strength and our courage and our love for each other. Laughter that acknowledges our vulnerability, and allows our hearts to meet in mutual and unconditional trust and understanding.
Laughter that says with all its problems, heartache and heartbreak, life is still worth living, and I will celebrate all the gifts I’m given… sadness and joy, dark and light, love and laughter!
Be happy… be grateful… be Inspired… be awesome… be love.
PS… I wrote When Good News Is Bad News! earlier this week.