Standing Up Standing Tall

I’m usually a relatively calm… very organised, and extremely productive person.

However, a few years ago, our lives were turned inside out and upside down, due to circumstances beyond our control and through choices not our own. My work productivity screeched to an almost halt… because, first my relatively new laptop crashed and would not be resuscitated, and our internet connection which I need to work, took a rollercoaster ride on a wave of instability… much like I felt at the time. And especially when I needed to work the most to increase our household income. Our family dynamic went through the most challenging trials, as we had an onslaught of negativity from various directions, some completely unfounded in truth and reality… some as a consequence of a child’s rebellious behaviour.

Life happens to all of us… and you do the best you can in stressful situations.

I’m not perfect. I don’t get enough sleep, most of the time. I worry about what others think and say… too much of the time. I love healthy food… more than I love fizzy surgery cold drinks, which I drink too much of. *Grin* I talk too much, all of the time. *Smile* I hope I say the right things… more than the wrong things… although I often put my foot in it, without realising until too late… and I’ve made plenty of mistakes.

I would never be intentionally hurtful or rude… I’m a bite my tongue, rather than bluntly honest sort of person… and I’m ok with that. Especially considering what some people have said and done in my recent experience, even complete strangers… that has cut me deeply.

If I’m entirely honest… I often feel like I’m not doing anything well… I just have too much to do. And even though I started on a path to simplify my life in 2017, paying debt, clearing clutter from our home, finishing work and service projects without starting anymore, I still have too much to do on any given day. *Grin*

Its chores… and its work that got me through… the heartache… the tears… the misunderstanding… the judgemental incidents… the exclusion from birthday teas and parties… the absolute uncertainty and profound heartbreak of loving someone, who deliberately chooses a self-destructive lifestyle that is completely out of my control.

My husband tells me often enough, I’m my own worst critic, and harshest judge… although I am being much gentler and loving with myself… and my mom and daughter tell me all the time, I have to slow down, do less… and even do everything at a more moderate pace. Sometimes, because of my health… I don’t have a choice.

A few weeks ago, despite knowing about my crazy life and daily drama, a friend sent me a message telling me how much she loved me, and how much she was inspired to know me… and just recently, another friend told me, how she stood up for me and defended me.

I was so inspired… so humbled… and so profoundly moved, I’ve taken time to let their love fill the aching crevices of my heart, and just feel.

Feel loved.

Feel cherished.

Feel honoured and nurtured.

I know my family loves me… cherishes me… and supports me through everything.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to be as loving and supportive as you need to be when you are all hurting for the same reasons, even if it’s in different ways.

So when friends reach out even in the smallest way, by sending a message of appreciation and acknowledgment… by standing up and defending you in love, it can have a deeply profound impact, allowing you to heal, to have the courage to be a little bolder, more confident, and to stand just a little straighter knowing that there are people who believe in you.

So that when you have to face the world of uncertainty, harsh reality and judgement, you feel strong enough to stand tall with love filling your heart.
(Maybe even with a twinkle in your eye and a spring in your step. *Grin*)

Celebrate this moment, with friends and those you care about.

Love and Blessings
Mands

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