Friday, 1st August 2014
Too often I get so focused on what I’m doing… I forget what day it is…
or I forget to eat.
I’m blessed with a family of great cooks and amazing bakers who ensure I eat, sometimes too much. *Grin*
I get carried away… I’m obsessive… and I’m compulsive. I over commit and stretch myself beyond reason, and I refuse to compromise, so I’ll go without sleep to ensure I meet my commitments to exacting standards because I’m a perfectionist… So I’m often a tireless workaholic which has had to change as I age. *Smile* (I need to sleep at least 7 hours a night, at least twice a week now. 🙂 )
Thus my clients usually love me… and my family definitely do, so they support me during these crazy working times… or even when I have a bizarre, wonderful or weird crazy project I just must do, for no other reason than I feel inspired to do it. *Grin*
I’ve had four silver streaks in my hair since my blonde began to darken as I turned from single to double digits, so the grey I have is blended with blonde highlights that look so natural, I’m a little possessive of my stylist, whom I only see two to three times a year for no apparent reason except I’m too lazy to go and have my hair highlighted and styled more often than that… yet each time I walk out the salon I look so fabulous I wonder why I leave it so long between visits. *Sigh* (It must be my crazy life, however I’m making a new Spring Resolution to visit Nande at least every second month to have my hair styled and coloured). *Grin*
I have a new friend… who isn’t really a new friend as we’ve known each other for seven years and although my daughter was friends with Heila first, I’ve always admired Heila and we’ve enjoyed each other’s company. (I hope *LOL*) Heila could think I’m this crazy person who has suddenly become aware of wrinkles under her eyes, which appeared out of nowhere this year. *Sigh* I’ve always been happy with my laugh lines, but really not sure of these forehead frown concentration lines… or the saggy skin, or the over abundant flesh… I am not aging at all gracefully, and it is not fun. (I’ve discovered how much time people spend to look as good as they do… and I just don’t have the patience or the energy, so I need the help.)
I’ve always been happy to be the age I was, until 45… although 47 has given me a burst of creativity I’m embracing and enjoying so I’m holding off 48, for let’s say another decade… and Heila is my secret weapon. *Grin*
I’ve never bothered with manicures as I love digging in the garden, and I’ve never had my eyebrows waxed until this year… and it’s never happening again, however the rest of the pampering has been bliss, and even though I don’t have a clue what special treatments I get with my facials, I love the results. Even if I don’t have the money for facials and pedicures… manicures and massages… I will find a way… I will indulge in the pampering… I will treat myself as I near half a century of life on earth. *Grin*
I get carried away… I’m emotional and highly strung, yet I also enjoy times of calm serenity which I enjoy with abandon until they disappear as quickly as they arrived for no apparent reason either way. I’ve stopped trying to be balanced all the time, as it just doesn’t allow for my creative writing process which I have realised I need as much as food and sleep, although sometimes I forgo both when I’m in that happy bubble of word flow, that so enthrals me I lose time.
Sometimes I become so focused, my husband has kissed me, given me a plate of food and something to drink without me realising I’ve even consumed anything… *Smile*
I’ve been accused of loving too deeply, caring too much and giving my friends too much attention and care… I’ve had my heart broken so many times, there are too many scars to count… however, I’d rather be like I am than all the things I detest.
Apathy… I just don’t understand. If I’m not present in my own life, who else is going to be?
Boredom is beyond my understanding. I’m a busy person, not for the sake of busy-ness, I just like to do stuff… be productive, be creative, be involved… and I don’t think I ever got over having babies and toddlers, *Grin* our youngest is 18, and I spent most of those years at home with my children, even if I sometimes (often) worked insane hours. *Smile*
My children as teenagers taught me the meaning of laziness, messiness, procrastination, languor, lethargy, indolence, torpor… even inertia!
None of which I had the privilege of experiencing as a teenager, as I went to boarding school, and there just wasn’t any time or even allowance for such indulgence. *Smile*
My children also taught me the gift of unconditional forgiveness, the blessing of unconditional acceptance, and from the moment I held each of them in my arms for the first time… such deep unconditional love that my heart overflowed with indescribable joy.
My husband through his eyes as he looks at me, his embrace as his holds me, his affection every day with words and gestures has shown me what it means to be loved all ways and always… an incredible blessing I appreciate more and more every year that passes.
He has also nurtured my terribly serious side into developing a sense of humour, to the extent that I’m even really funny at times. *Grin*
At the age of 47, I think I’m having a midlife crisis of the good kind.
I still need to lose at least 25kg’s …I need a beauty therapist for the first time in my life, and I’m going to visit Nande my hairstylist much more than I ever used too. I still need glasses to drive, and I wish I could do even a third of what I used to do even ten years ago… my dentist is half my age and knows where I live, as he’s fetched me for an appointment and brought me back home, and my doctor stays late to see me. *LOL*
I’ve discovered the blessings in gratitude. The pleasure in smiling whenever I want, even right now as I write this. *Smile* I’ve finally accepted that my baby toes that curl up over my other toe, are not a curse of the genes I inherited… and are rather a legacy of ancestry that makes me unique… Despite all the copy I wrote for clients in my DTP years, (Desk Top Publishing)… it has taken me years to appreciate, accept and find joy in being a writer.
Too often it was something I needed to do, had to do, felt compelled to do and share… and never understood was a gift to nurture, develop and cultivate…
And now finally to appreciate, nurture, develop, share and even celebrate.
I have found joy in just being… and that often when I look like I’m doing the least, I’m actually at my most creative, and that truly is an amazing talent. Spring cleaning is my most creative process… and a healing balm.
I love plastic boxes. In all shapes and sizes. In all colours. I love the clear rectangular size and shape with the coloured lids the most… and I have lots of the black recycled plastic boxes.
In KwaZulu Natal they are a creative crafty person’s best friend.
They store material, paper, wool, seeds, buttons, ribbon, paint, books, food and all types of bits and pieces… and they protect and keep the bugs, dust, mould and damp out.
When we lived in the Freestate, Gauteng and the Cape, I loved pretty tins and pretty boxes. KwaZulu Natal weather and climate are very unkind to pretty tins and pretty boxes, so now I also like plastic boxes to keep my tins and boxes pretty. *Grin*
I love Spring Cleaning and getting organised and having everything in its place. I believe in recycling… re-use, donate, give-away what you don’t want or need.
I also like my stuff.
It has taken years and lots of blessings and the generosity of my mom and a few others to gather as much paper, material, wool, books and other items that make crafting and being creative such a pleasure, and not an expensive chore… so others may call it clutter, I call it happiness stuff, that resides in my “happy room”. Yes, I have a “happy room” …and when my “happy room” is organised we both glow with happy-ness. *Grin*
I also have some regrets… I wish I’d taken a hundred times more photos than I did, especially when I was pregnant… I wish I’d started a journal 20 years … maybe even 30 years before I did… planted seeds with abandon like I do now, (instead of always in straight rows exactly the right distance apart)… I wish I’d been more frivolous and playful with my children than I was, so I’m really looking forward to my grandchildren. (I think I would pay my son and his girlfriend to get married and have children. I think I should be less serious about that than I am. *LOL*).
I can’t wait to make a mess with paint, colour outside the lines, and make mud pies and rivers and roads in the garden like I did when my kids were younger.
I wish I’d watched more sunrises and sunsets… and one of the reasons I love where my desk is right now… is because often when I’m still working, I can see the sunset… and it still takes my breath away. 🙂
I regret not painting more, and being too much of an obsessive that I made myself so crazy I stopped… I am grateful that my daughter is showing me, and teaching me how many different ways you can use paint, that she fills my days with the most interesting colour. *Smile*
I regret that I sulk for three months each time the monkeys destroy our veggie garden… and I’m so grateful for the pleasure and joy I feel when I dig and weed and prepare and plant again. In reflection, with a 365 day a year growing season, the soil may need the rest every three years, even more than I do. *Smile*
I love to chat in person… I love to talk on the phone… I love deep, intimate relationships, and close strong friendships. I love writing long emails… and I love spending time with my family.
I’m a bit intense… A lot intense!
And I’m told I can be a bit overwhelming. (Maybe it’s a lot overwhelming, too. *LOL*)
Most of my friends are busier than I am… have more kids than I do, and have less time than I have!
So I write. (Lucky you!) *Grin*
For the first time in my life, I’ve discovered the pleasure of writing just for myself… and I look forward to sharing some of my writing with you.
Love and Laughter